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Saturday, July 29, 2006

Heather's Sarcastic Saturday

I don’t get the whole dog show thing. I just can’t wrap my mind around it. I being the GREAT friend that I am went to a dog show this afternoon. Which is why I’m late in posting this, yeah that’s the ticket! Couldn’t possibly have anything to do with procrastination. (No comments from the peanut gallery.)

You walk around back where all the handlers are grooming their dogs and it’s insane. I’m sorry, when a dog has more grooming products than you do on your bathroom counter at home, that’s just wrong. Blow-drying, teasing, hair spraying… looks like any Saturday night at Sue Ellen’s house, before she goes out to the local honky-tonk.

Pet psychics. Do I even need to go into my normal sarcasm here? Surely, you can come up with your own. Okay, okay… your dog DOESN’T even have to be present to get an accurate reading. Hmmm… I’m thinking she’s not reading the DOG but the idiot owner that paid her big bucks. How big of bucks? She makes more in an hour than I do in seven. Hmmm change of profession maybe? “Your dog…um, well I’m sorry to inform you of this sir, but your dog hates it when you talk to him like a baby. That’s the real reason he chewed up all your slippers.”

Doggy massages. Okay… I can’t even afford to pay $40 for ME to get a massage, much less that same price for my dog! (Okay, so I don’t have a dog. Whatever. Work with me here.) Can’t you see it? “Woof, woof, yeah, that’s it, right there, pant, pant. Aw, no! Not behind the ear, not behind the ear! Geez, like I hadn’t worked my legs out enough, hit that magic spot and off my leg goes. And right in front of the cute French poodle, too! Woof. Woof.”

We won’t even go into the whole, dog slobber—floating dog hair—dog smell—Heather has major ick factor thing.

See? I’m such a good friend…

4 Comments:

At 4:14 PM, July 29, 2006, Blogger eileen said...

Whine, whine, whine. You KNOW you enjoyed seeing that peeing post! Where else would you get such a kick as we had today? Okkkkk, maybe a lot of places.

BTW, thanks for going.

 
At 4:14 PM, July 29, 2006, Blogger Pammer said...

I'm going to totally agree with you on this cause I'm mad at my dog right now. Okay the puppy has me dumbfounded. He keeps getting out of his pen and there is no WAY!!! I get home from work after it had rained that morning. I change from my work clothes to my "work clothes". I go down to feed the dogs....in flip flops and capri sweat pants. The puppy was out. His paws are as big as a bagel...each paw! So I come back in...I had to wash up to my elbows, wash my face, wash my legs, feet and SHOES! Mud. Ick. But see that is why they are outside animals. Besides, I sneeze enough with cat hair. :D

Good post!

 
At 9:33 PM, July 29, 2006, Blogger Dineen A. Miller said...

LOL! I'm guessing you didn't care for it all much.

 
At 11:25 PM, July 30, 2006, Blogger Camy Tang said...

I definitely think you should change profession. You can specialize in cats and mongooses.

Camy

 

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